This is Your Life. Follow Your Rhythm
A New Years Intention
The labyrinth at Forst Lawn
There is a magical labyrinth at the tippy-top of the Forest Lawn Cemetery in Los Angeles. I had the great privilege of attending a New Year’s walk there this past week, led by a dear friend. Now I know that a New Year’s walk set in a cemetery might sound a bit morbid, but in actuality, Forest Lawn is one of the most beautiful places I’ve visited in Southern California. With its rolling green hills and replica European churches, it feels more like a mystical fairy landscape than a traditional cemetery.
My husband, Brian, came along, and as the two of us drove through the winding hills of the cemetery on this crisp, clear December day, I felt moved by the magnitude of flowers adorning the landscape. At this particular time of year, Angelinos leave beautiful holiday-inspired arrangements for dear ones passed, creating thousands of colorful bursts of red and white that dotted the green canvas. I was struck by the love represented in the floral offerings, and I carried the beauty of all of this devotion with me as we met up with the group of eight others at the top of the hill for our labyrinth experience.
“There is no right way to walk a labyrinth” my friend explained as we prepared for our journey, “But one thing to know is that unlike a maze, there is only one way in and one way out of a labyrinth, so there is no mystery for the mind to solve. We can simply allow ourselves to be present as we move towards the center, and then out again. Just be and allow whatever arises.”
Hearing these words was like taking a nice, long, deep breath after an unusually busy holiday season. We recently hosted several holiday events and had multiple waves of house guests, on top of the myriad of responsibilities of everyday life. The season had been joyful, but my introverted heart was tired, and I was grateful for the permission to “just be”.
Our group entered the labyrinth one-by-one, as my friend rang a bell for each of us to proceed. When it was my turn, I brought with me a small, round stone to leave in the center of the circle, representing something I wanted to let go of as I began the new year. I wasn’t sure yet what I would be leaving behind, but I sensed that I would discover it along my path.
As I embarked on the 45-minute contemplative journey, I set the intention to connect inward on the way into the center of the circle and connect with the world around me on the way out. Navigating the twists and turns of the circle, along with the eight others, I initially found myself vacillating between my own rhythm and that of the other participants. Some people were walking faster, others slower and I started wondering if I was walking at the right pace (as if there is a “right pace”).
I’ve known for years that my default is to have my “antenna” up, primarily for the needs, emotions, and priorities of those around me, oftentimes at the expense of my own needs, emotions, and priorities. This particular brand of hypervigilance has often shown up in many areas of my life, and despite my awareness of it, tends to get uniquely off-kilter during the holiday season.
As I walked, I heard my inner voice saying “Sloooowwww dowwwnn. Find your own rhythm. Listen to your own inner knowing. Feel your own feelings. Don’t worry about anyone else right now.”
And so I did. I slowed way down. I created my own pace. I let go of wondering how my husband’s experience was going, or how my friend who was holding space for us was doing, or whether I would make it to my next appointment on time. And each time I let go and came back to myself, I felt more and more and more peace until all I could feel was my calm center and something like self-love. Once I felt truly connected to myself, I eased into a little bit faster pace which felt like “my pace”.
When I came to the center of the circle, I knew what I needed to let go of. It was that anxious antenna, often overly attuned to what everyone else thinks, feels, and needs. I set my rock down in the center, freeing up a substantial chunk of bandwidth that I could use to tune into my own inner compass. As I stood in the center of the circle, I sensed how my life would be different if I was able to honor myself more. I saw how my relationships, work, health, and creativity would have more freedom to flourish.
I want to be clear that I don’t believe that being considerate of other’s needs is a bad thing. It’s not, at all. It’s beautiful. But abandoning oneself in pursuit of making sure everyone around us is happy is a recipe for burnout, resentment and can ultimately damage or destroy relationships. The more aware I’ve become of this fact, the more I see it play out all around me, in every type of relationship, including my own.
This year, one intention I’m holding is to consistently nurture my creative voice. I’ve found that in order to do so, I cannot abandon myself. So my commitment these days is to develop the antennae that points inwards. Honor my own rhythm. Sometimes say no...no to time-wasters, certain social engagements or other optional obligations that leave me feeling depleted or less myself. For me, true self-care is about saying yes to things that feel nourishing like nature, journaling, meditation, creativity, moving my body, resting, reading, meaningful relationships, and all of the things that help me to feel myself, and my own rhythm.
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On my way out of the labyrinth, I focused my attention outward. My awareness of the love so visibly represented by the tapestry of flowers on all of the graves grew strong…. so many generations of love and loss. The human journey is both so beautiful and so tragic. Every human being, without exception, loves. And every human, without exception, grieves. We are all on this journey together. In that moment I felt deeply connected to all of humanity… those like me and those different from me. I was reminded of the quote I’ve heard attributed to the late Robin Williams:
“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.”
In the end, my heart felt expansive, and it was one of the most profoundly connecting experiences I have ever had. But it all started by first turning inward. My journey highlighted the deep truth that I am only able to sustainably love and show up for others if I first love and show up for myself. The intention of kindness for all is only complete when we include ourselves.
So my New Year’s intention is to listen to and honor my own rhythm. Spend time each day showing up for myself in ways that feel truly nourishing for me. Do the things that light me up, and nurture the relationships that lift me up. Only then, will I be able to connect with the world around me in a meaningful and sustainable way.
What would it look like for you to honor your rhythm in 2024?
“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
~Howard Thurman
